Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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