please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
