I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
