Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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