Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
