Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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