i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
