Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
