I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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