on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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