I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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