Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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