I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
