Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize