If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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