I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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