try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
