he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
