I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
