You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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