Please, let me fuck your mom
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
