Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
