we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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