i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
