i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
