Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
