I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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