she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
