I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
