WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize