okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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