People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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