Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
