Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ate ashes out of my bong
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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