ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
