you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
