Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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