I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
