What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
