I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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