let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How external is "for external use only"?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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