we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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