No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize