Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize