I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
