Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
