You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
