oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
