just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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