Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
