hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
