well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize