Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
