Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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