Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
