That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
