You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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