her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
