I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
