my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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