I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
