I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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