I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
