Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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