Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize