If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
