party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
