Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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