My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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